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Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
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Well, its been so long Rachel had to remind me what my account info was. I mean, look at my fucking avatar. I had just turned 17 a couple months before that picture was taken. I could say time flies, but I don't really feel that it does. Sure a lot has changed since then, but it has had ample time to do so. Its been what... four and half years? Well, now that I think about it... maybe time really does fly and I'm just ahead of schedule.
If you don't already know I just bought our first house. It only took me 21 years, 7 months, 17 days, and 11 hours. Approximately. Not only is it our first home, but its also everything we ever wanted. So not only am I ahead of schedule but I'm already botching our aspirations. I suppose we'll have to get new ones, won't we?
So, we've got the house. We have the dogs. I have the career. Now all I need is the family. I'm very much looking forward to this part. While everyone else is putting all these things off to go find adventure, I feel like this is mine. Buying this house and marrying the girl of my dreams and having our kids is what I've always wanted to do, and shes always known it. I remember clearly her telling me in an AIM conversation about five years ago that all I want to do was "meet the girl of my dreams and fall madly in love with her and have a family." Of course at the time, what with my being a fucking dickhead teenager and all I didn't want to admit this, but as it turns out its all true. Every word of it. And I'm stoked on it. Its definitely no secret that I love children. I want a little boy to climb trees and wrestle with. I want a little girl to dance around the living room standing on my toes and to spoil. I want to give my wife kisses and gross out my children. I want all these things more badly than anything...
Do I plan too much? Can you really be too prepared? Who's to say? Spontaneity is overrated, imo.
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(1 Burner | Set your body ablaze)
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Thursday, January 24th, 2008
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2nd entry in two days. WTF. Nothing new to report on really. Im really bad at saving money. Don't really know why that just came to mind. I'ts the truth though. And its not like I purchase "things" with my money. Well, ok, some things. But it mostly seems like I spend my money doing "stuff." Know what I mean? Ugh. Cruel Hand and the Mongos in Evansville. Should I go? Hows about Madball in Louisville? Decisions decisions. Maybe I can accidentally but a Death Before Dishonor shirt. Good story there. I miss work shirts and small bird moths. Good times.
Damn. Just reread everything I wrote. No sense.
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(3 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008
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Thats a long time, right? Sounds a lot longer when you put it that way I guess. Its been almost three years since my last journal entry. Kind of makes me wonder why I ever quit posting here. Just busy I guess. Last I remember I got back from posi numbers and I had a girlfriend. So instead of people reading what I thought I actually had someone to talk to about it. Makes sense I guess. Not sure if thats the real reason though. Does anyone still read this even? I guess we'll see, right? But enough about that, heres the rundown on what I've been doing the last three years...
Dating Rachel
Sitting in my basement
Working.
Damn.
Well. A change of subject is in order. As of late I've been trying to figure this whole "life" thing out. Remember now, last time I made an entry I was 17. I'm 20 now. Believe it or not the amount of maturing that goes on between those ages is monumental. Any way, I tried the whole higher education thing out a while back. Just wasn't for me. Never has been and probably never will be. As it is I've been doing a whole lot of nothing. Working mostly. Got tired of not seeing any good bands so I decided I'd take it upon myself to book some tours. So far so good. Haven't actually had a show yet, but hey, they're coming. Ummmm, what else. Rachel's about to finish her sophomore year at Ball Sate. Kudos to her. Doin' her thing. I am actually scrambling to play catch up. The way I see it, her time at college is like a time limit for me to figure my shit out. Even though she'll deny it, its how I feel. But if you hadn't heard the master plan now is to move to Arizona (aka the promised land) and apprentice to become a tattoo artist under long time hustler and homie T-Bone Goeke. He's been bugging me to do this for a long time now. I love tattoos and art, and its pretty much the only way Rachel will ever let me get my hands and throat tattooed... so fuck it, why not? Has to be better than what I've got going on now, right? If I think about it though, it feels like it'll be kind of hard to leave this place. Maybe just because its home? I don't have in real friends in the immediate area, so I don't know where the feeling of attachment is coming from. Meh. Lets see who reads this and we'll go from there...
o wow, new features.
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(6 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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Saturday, August 27th, 2005
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| Time: | 10:51 pm. |
| Music: | Inside Out- no spiritual surrender. |
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Yeah, thats me in my usual red hat. Posi #'s ruled....
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(3 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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Monday, August 15th, 2005
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| Time: | 10:18 pm. |
| Music: | DrugxTest- locked out. |
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Its been a long time since I had a serious update. Figured it was about time. But, there hasn't been a whole lot to write about. Or maybe I'm just not into everyone knowing whats going on in my life. Meh, any way... I've been with Rachel for almost seven months now. Doesn't seem that long when you think about it, but we've done a whole lot in that seven months. Experienced a bunch of new things and made a lot of new memories. Pretty good stuff. I went to Wilkes Barre PA for posi #'s this year. Shit ruled. Best time I've ever had as long as I've lived. Saw so many good bands, good friends, and ate so many good burritos. Like I said, shit fuckin' ruled. Still can't believe I was there. But, I'm glad to be back. My birthdays creeping up on me. Gonna be the big 1-8. Wo. I'm an ole' crusty bastard. I don't feel too old. Feel like I'm still 14ish. Or at least somewhere around there. Well, I feel like a kid. Lets just put it that way. Lets see, what else is new? Got some ink done this summer. My leg will be covered pretty shortly. Then I can begin work on my Star Wars sleeve. Which is going to fucking rule my entire life. Any suggestions? I can't decide who or what I want in it. Or even if I want it in color, or just black and grey. I have no idea. Help me out friends. School starts tomorrow. No big deal. Schools started back up a million times before. Nothing new. Man, between work and my woman I haven't had time for much else. I miss my home boys. Where you niggas at any way??? What up? Eh, fuck it. I better get to bed with a firm grip on a motha fuckin hot pocket and some kool-aid. later kids.
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(5 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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Thursday, August 4th, 2005
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| Time: | 9:10 am. |
| Music: | hxh- something more than ink. |
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Just take a fucking good look at jus what you did
You set a raging fire in the heart of a kid
Your words, and the message you sent
Are held in my heart as they burn in my head
It burns, burning inside my head
Even if you chose a different path to tread
I guess it was something inside
It was something more to us
You took a different path from the one you once set
But that's the cycle of life so take your steps ahead
That doesn't change one thing in my life
I'll never cease to keep your words alive
I still believe in what was said
I'll hold on 'til the last thread
I still believe in what was said
Your absence doesn't bring my values' death
I guess it was something inside
It was something more to us
I guess it was something inside
It was something more to us
A "hero's fall" will never change what i think
'Cus at the core of my heart this is something more than ink
Something more than ink
On a page, on a shirt, on the back of my hand
It's something written in stone
Words we wrote in stone
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(2 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:08 pm. |
| Music: | Lights Out- won't survive. |
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Not a long time ago I realized the harsh truth
That you and I were one
We were the same
Almost choking on the words "I'll never be like you"
But in my world I never will be
But in the real world I'm like you and you're like me
A fucking surprise to us both
But I figured out I'm the only one that knows until now
Don't try to talk your way out and tell me that you're something
You are nothing
The problem is that you refuse to make a life for yourself
There's your world and their world and then there's my world
And my life which I've made for myself
And I refuse to believe that I'm nothing even if they don't see it
Fuck what they told you
My life isn't a waste of time
You built yourself inside a wall
Just you and them and you've lost your mind
They're just going to use you until they are through
Years from now when you're left alone what the fuck will you do?
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(1 Burner | Set your body ablaze)
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Saturday, July 16th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:18 am. |
| Music: | Lights Out- won't survive. |
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Posi #'s is about two weeks away. I can't fucking wait. I haven't seen Andy in a long while. I've only met Matt once the last time Outbreak played at Bubba's, and from what I could see he's a super cool dude as well. This shits gonna rule though, check out the line-up this year...
Betrayed
Blacklisted
Ceremony
Bold
Champion
Charge
Cold World (last show)
Crime In Stereo
Down To Nothing
Drug Test
Final Word
Have Heart
Internal Affairs
Iron Boots
Kill Your Idols
Killing Time
Justice
Lights Out
Lion Of Judah
Mental
Modern Life Is War
Murphys Law
One Up
Paint It Black
Outbreak
Righteous Jams
RNR
Set To Explode
Slumlords
Think I Care
Triple Threat
War Hungry
Wrong Side (last show)
I know, fuckin' insane right? Shits gonna rule. It'll be good to get away from work for a while as well. Can't take being there six days a week much longer. School will be starting soon, so all that will change. I hope. I'm gonna miss my baby's momma while I'm gone. Luckily I've got pictures to take with me so I won't be so lonesome. And I'm gonna call her every night. Hmm, I think I'll go see her now...
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(4 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
| Time: | 11:47 pm. |
| Music: | alone in a crowd- when tigers fight. |
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You talk big shit
You say your the best
now im gonna put you to the test
dont look for help
its just you and me
one on one
and then we'll see
Bare knuckles for gloves
the streets for a ring
there aint gonna be no bell to go ding
you've said you're so hard
so i guess you'll be glad
when I give you the best fight you've ever had!
So you think its funny
when you laugh in haste
cause im gonna knock that smile off your face
gotta hit you hard
gotta make you bleed
before you do the same to me
our time has come
we've both waited long
we'll finally see who's weak who's strong
the truth will be revealed tonight
when tigers fight!
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(2 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
| Time: | 12:10 am. |
| Music: | GB- stand still. |
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Yo mother fuckers!
Best band ever is playing a reunion/benefit show.
In New York.
At CBGB's.
And I'm goin'.
Suck it.
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(2 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
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I was reliving all those times we shared, and it's hard,
Because theres nothing left of you, that I can see. You used to be so strong but time has changed you.
You turned away.
I keep trying to escape from the past.
But those days used to mean so much.
We stood side by side and nothing else mattered.
We were straightedge and at least I still am.
Did you forget about what we said?
Or did it just not mean as much?
Sitting here with my head in my hands.
Wondering what happened to us.
Now only a whispers remains of the person I once knew.
We came, we conquered those days.
But now, you're gone.
Don't tell me that you're the same.
Because you gave your heart away.
And in return you got nothing.
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(4 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
| Time: | 2:29 pm. |
| Music: | Champion- fourth of july. |
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So. I guess we're going to make another attempt at forming a band again. Devon ordered a new amp, which means we're gonna start practicing whenever it comes in. Should be sometime this week. Nic said he'd be willing to play bass for us. Wether or not he still does is a mystery at the moment. Also Devon tells me Nate King will play the drums. I've only met Nate two or three times, but he seems to be a pretty cool guy. So, thats that. Oh yeah, the name was DRIVEWAY. But thanks to Rachel informing me that that name was, for the lack a better word, gay, we've changed it to On The Attack. Not bad huh? Yeah, well, thats about all there is to report on. Rachels still gone. I still miss her. And I'm still not leaving the house until shes back in town.
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(2 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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The kids will make it happen
We're starting a new way
People helping people
In the world today
Youth of Today
Physically strong
Morally straight
Positive youth
We're the Youth of Today
Never fight with each other
Use our heads before our fists
Then we'll kick down all the barriers
Of hate and fucking prejudice
Youth of Today
Physically strong
Morally straight
Positive youth
We're the Youth of Today
Live fast die young
Was just a fad
For a bunch of losers
Who didn't care
I'm gonna live my life
Breathe every breath
Work together
Move straight ahead
Youth of Today
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(Set your body ablaze)
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Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
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I don't give a fuck if i'm accepted or not.
And all you followers oughta be shot
Nothing matters to you but fitting in
Thinking for yourself's a battle you'll never win
You've got nothing to say but your mouth's still moving
You've got no point to be fucking proving
it's all a lie and we can see right through
And when the trend fades, so will you
No fucking heart and you have no pride
You can't fool me 'cause you're hollow inside
Follow the path of all your friends
Too blind to see it's just a dead end
No matter what's done you'll never see
That fuckheads like you aren't better than me
Because being another clone is your idea of fun
And if it was up to me, you'd all be hung
Point your finger and fucking laugh
When the joke's on you, you piece of trash
Keep talking shit, no one's listening
Your pedestal's crashing, your ego's burning
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(2 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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your life fucking sucks, your friends fucking blow
you fall for the trends and go with the flow
you think you know it all, you think you're pretty cute
but your phony fucking ways make me want to puke
we're pulling the plug on your show, your shit now ends
it's time for you to go and buy some new fucking friends
there's no second chance, that's something you don't get
you don't deserve anything, you get shit
it's time to wake up, and get it through your head
your games are coming to a fucking end
you think you're special, but you're nothing but a fake
watching you pose is more than i can take
you'll die a nobody, and that's fine with me
'cause you'll never understand or ever see
you're a fucking lowlife, and you're going nowhere
no one likes you and no one cares, go
it's time to wake up, and get it through your head
your games are coming to a fucking end
you think you're special, but you're nothing but a fake
watching you pose is more than i can take
you'll die a nobody, and that's fine with me
cause you'll never understand or ever see
you're a fucking lowlife, and you're going nowhere
no one likes you and no one fucking cares lets go
fuck, fuck, fuck you!
no one likes you, no one cares, die
Dude, I get to see Outbreak tomorrow.
Fucking yeah.
YOU'RE SCUM!!!
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(7 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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Yo, any of you kids know how to put music on your myspace? I'm a noob so my girlfriends assembling my shit for me, BUT, she doesn't know how to add music. Help?
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(1 Burner | Set your body ablaze)
| Time: | 10:23 pm. |
| Music: | GB- new direction. |
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What do you mean it's time? Time for me to grow up? I don't want any part. It's right to follow my heart. The new kids ran, ran out the back door fast. And the bands that came before, they had their noses in the air. Pretending that they care about our scene just because our money's green. I'll tell you stage dives make me feel more alive than coded messages in slowed down songs. Now you're so ashamed, now I'm so ashamed of you. We believe the same things. You stand to the side. Rebirth of hardcore pride. It all came true, too bad you can't see all the good things that I see. Back in, back in the days when I'd wait to see the old bands play. It didn't seem like wasted days. I was so sincere, but now I see more clearly. Music's only work to them. It's not to me. So I say hats off to bands that change. Good luck, go your own way. Why play for us if your heart's not in it? Cause what might seem dumb to you is pounding in my heart. Now you're so ashamed, now I'm so ashamed of you. We believe the same things. You stand to the side. Rebirth of hardcore pride. It all came true. Too bad you can't see. No, you just can't fucking see it. Now you just turn your back. You said I don't want it anymore. Old friends you attack. Our pain out of touch. You don't get it do you? New stage, new ideas. You don't have to make excuses for us. Sitting there looking back, I'm scared. Don't spoil memories of the way things were.
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(3 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
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| Time: | 7:47 pm. |
| Music: | X Too Pure To Die X- for me, this is life. |
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I'm on here everyday, but I hardly ever update. Figured I was overdo.
Not a whole lots been going on lately. Thats mostly the reason why I haven't been updating. No shows to talk about, no new tattoos, no trips of any kind. Nothing. I can't wait for the spring. I'll be driving by then so I can go to shows whenever I want, and I can go to Connersville to see all the kids there we ride with. Scotty, Jerry, Rex. All of em'. I wonder what the hell everyones been doing. Seems like every summer we all get reaquainted and spend all day riding together and shit. Come time for school everyone just does there own thing. Kind of sucks. I've had some of my best moments atop a bicycle, however stupid/lame/gay/whatever that way sound. I even had my one and only near death experience on my bike. And yet I still love her. Heh, how could I not.
Sometimes I wish I'd learned how to play an instrument. Musics a big part of my life. I just wish I could produce something meaningful to myself, ya know? Something I can be proud of. An accomplishment. I need some form of selfexpression, apart from my riding. Like Seth Kimbrough. He's got a really awesome band, and he rides his bike for a living. I envy him. So fucking lucky. Not many people can be succesful in everything they do. Let alone everything they love to do. And He's so good at either of those things. His bands awesome and no one does brakeless D turns like him. Heh.
I just realized I haven't updated since Rachel and I got together.
Not much to tell really. Its still extremely early in our relationship. Nearing a month actually. But we already care deeply for one another. I don't exactly know why, but we do. Not that its a bad thing, its just early.
I like her a lot.
I say like because we've both decided that the L word scares the shit out of us. I still throw it in there every now and then though, just because I think theres a diffrence between loving someone and being in love with them. Ya know? I'm sure some of you will agree with me. But getting back to the subject, Rachel and I have a lot of fun together. And I think we're going to leave it at that for now and not complicate it by rushing things along. We're gonna go with the flow so to speak.
Yeah, I like her...
I hope shes around for a long time to come.
<3
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(4 Burners | Set your body ablaze)
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shattertheair's journal
apathetic.
cold.